Jersey Destruction: Part 2

Welcome back to the ongoing series "Jersey Destruction". No, it's not about the Carolina Hurricanes giving Martin Brodeur a blown gasket, it's where I mercilessly skewer the jerseys of all 30 NHL teams.

The Central division is rife with fodder for me to mock, so in the spirit of my last post I will show no mercy.

Chicago Blackhawks

You know what I think of when Chicago comes to mind? Native Americans. Okay, not really. Ask ten people what comes to mind when they hear Chicago and their answers will range from "deep dish pizza" to "Sears Tower" to "The Cubs". I'll bet nary a one says "The Blackhawk Tribe." That aside, a pat on the back for avoiding the cartoonish depiction that Cleveland uses, but hey, it's Cleveland. It also appears that the mascot is wearing the NBC peacock in his hair, which is ironic since the Blackhawks didn't televise games for what seemed like a century. The Blackhawks mascot is named "Tommy Hawk" which is all too appropriate considering the town's violent background. Nothing draws Chicago fans like the threat of violence!

Columbus Blue Jackets

Pretty surprising they would select a team name with the word "Blue" in it considering they're in the same division as the St. Louis Blues. So, what comes to mind when you hear "Blue Jackets"? Is it a sale at JC Penney? Is it a rare variety of bee? Nope, it's a Civil War soldier! Did anyone tell these guys to avoid the abbreviation "B.J."? Between the NBC peacock in the Blackhawks logo and the shooting star in Columbus' you have a "The More You Know" PSA.

Detroit Red Wings


On the opposite end of the spectrum from Atlanta, Detroit decided they needed just two colors because they weren't boring enough. Can someone explain this winged-wheel to me. Does it fly? Is it supposed to roll? Do the wings flap against the road as it wobbles around? Is it attached to anything or is it just some kind of lame Transformer? Or maybe it's an angelic unicycle? I mean, isn't the point of the auto industry that it rolls and doesn't fly?

Nashville Predators


There are a lot of animals that could be considered predators, but Nashville was bold and went with one that had incredibly impractical biting apparatus. Dinosaur? No. Jungle cat? Closer. Extinct cat with a severe overbite? Bingo! Pat on the back for ditching the third jersey with the logo that looked like it had a hairball caught in its throat. However, making silver a prominent color just makes us think you're a second place kind of team.

St. Louis Blues

I mean, you're really setting yourself up for failure when your team is named after the official music of the depressed. It must be a thing in the Central Division to add wings to an obscure inanimate object. When I say your logo is a low C, I'm not speaking in musical terms. As a bonus, here is the Blues mascot Louie pictured with former Blues netminder Manny Legace:

I hope you enjoyed this segment of Jersey Destruction. Tune in next time as we head back east!

Mock Expansion Draft

Expansion. The notion pops up every once in a while, exciting the bejeezus out of Kansas City, Las Vegas, Hamilton, and any other city that has gotten a whiff of talks about getting a potential NHL team. However, given the current economic climate it's simply not feasible.

Yet, I was curious, what happens if tomorrow the NHL decides to award two lucky cities an NHL franchise? Then we get to witness the weirdness of an NHL Expansion Draft. Rather than the usual draft of future stars, it's a draft of leftovers.

The basic parameters of an expansion draft are as follows. Each of the existing 30 NHL teams can protect 1 goaltender, 5 defenseman, and 9 forwards. The other option is to protect 2 goaltenders, 3 defenseman, and 7 forwards. I didn't see any teams choosing the latter option, so all 30 teams in my hypothetical chose to protect 1 goalie. Also, rookie players got automatic protection and do not count toward the allotted number. Each new team would then draft 3 goaltenders, 8 defenseman, and 13 forwards in that order.

So, I went through and I conducted the mock draft myself, protecting the players I thought each team would protect, then drafting them in the order I thought they would be drafted. I'm presenting the results broken up into the two hypothetical teams, East and West, in the order I believe the teams would draft them.

After completing this experiment I noticed a number of issues that arise from an expansion draft. First, let's look at the results:

Eastern Team

Goaltenders

J.S. Giguere
Jose Theodore
Jaroslav Halak

Defensemen

Christoph Schubert
Steve Staios
Mike Van Ryn
Martin Skoula
Steve Montador
Hal Gill
Mark Eaton
Peter Harrold

Forwards

Dustin Penner
B.J. Crombeen
Maxim Lapierre
Alexander Steen
T.J. Hensick
Chris Kelly
Tomas Kopecky
Kyle Brodziak
Mike Grier
Pascal Dupuis
Ian Laperriere
Ben Eager
Tom Kostopoulos
Craig Adams
Rick Rypien

Western Team

Goaltenders

Tim Thomas
Vesa Toskala
Martin Biron

Defensemen

Garnett Exelby
Nick Boynton
Milan Jurcina
Mathieu Schneider
Jeff Finger
Lukas Krajicek
Jeff Schultz
Sean O'Donnell

Forwards

Todd Bertuzzi
Eric Belanger
Fredrik Modin
Dominic Moore
Daniel Paille
Radek Dvorak
Scott Walker
Fredrik Sjostrom
Ben Guite
Travis Moen
Torrey Mitchell
Raffi Torres
Steve Begin
Brian Boyle
Fernando Pisani

Obviously, these aren't the strongest teams. The purpose is simply to give the new teams some players to ice while hindering the other 30 teams as little as possible. Then after a few years of toiling in the basement, the new teams should have compiled enough high draft picks to ice some franchise-player talent.

Some observations:

Age? Some of my decisions were dictated by the longevity of a player. For example, both of the top goalies selected were players you would expect to be protected. However, both Boston and Anaheim have goaltenders that are considered their future. In Anaheim's case, Jonas Hiller is considered their present as well. As a GM I would rather hang onto the goaltender that could give me 10 good years rather than 4. This begs another important question; how much does a team's loyalty to a player count? Think Modano. He's on the tail end of a career of great memories in Dallas, but is he worth protecting for 2 or 3 more years?

Contracts? More than a few teams have signed players to bad contracts. Would these teams take this opportunity to potentially unload an overpaid player? Granted, they wouldn't receive anything in return, but they also wouldn't have to pay an overpaid player. In the case of Dustin Penner, I figured the Oilers would see if there were any takers for the big man. Oh, and believe me, I thought long and hard about whether the Islanders would try to unload DiPietro.

Consequences? What happens to a player that does not get protected and they go undrafted. Do they get offended? Would it create a similar atmosphere as when a player gets wind they are on the trade block? There is certainly a risk involved.

The best and worst? I noticed the teams that fare the best are the teams with the most rookies on the roster. The more rookies, the less players that count toward the 9 protection spots. The teams that have the hardest time? Teams with a lot of 2nd or 3rd year players, such as St. Louis. I'm sure B.J. Crombeen isn't a guy they would love letting go, but with the likes of Oshie, Berglund, and Perron taking up valuable spots someone is bound to find themself on the outside looking in.

Most likely to be left out? The agitators and the fighters were the most common names to find themselves out of the mix. There seems to be a pretty good collection of bruisers in the AHL ready to step up, so why waste a slot on one? However, Avery and Carcillo both won spots on their respective teams from me due to their versatility.

Although it will certainly be a while before an Expansion Draft rears it's ugly head, if GM's in this league anticipate growth, they had better anticipate making some tough decisions.

Great News For Great Ice-Pectations

If you didn't come from this link, then check out this link:

Yahoo! Sports Blog: Jersey Fouls

Look for a picture by Great Ice-Pectations and a link to the blog about halfway down!

Thanks readers!

-Eric

How To Be A Better Hockey Fan

Hockey suffers from what I like to call "mainstream obscurity". It's a major sport, a big business, and a household name in our society. Yet, hockey is far from being universally understood or liked. Much is made of how the NHL or other major hockey leagues around the world market the sport. Fans and media alike are often critical of the stances and directions the NHL chooses in order to promote the sport. However, I think the onus is on us as fans to promote the sport as well.

How do we do this? Well, there is no one way and there is no "right" way, but I think there are some simple things we all can do to spread the love for this great sport.

1. Don't Be "That Guy".

Every time you go to a hockey game, or are watching one at a bar there is that one obnoxious, ignorant fan. The type of fan that ruins the game for everyone else and destroys what we are all looking for when we treat ourselves to a game; fun. It's supposed to be fun for everyone, so don't ruin it for others.

Now, I know I can get excited, worked-up, and stressed out but I try to keep it from affecting others. I do my fair share of trash talking as well, but I try to keep it all in good fun. For example, I attended the LA Kings final home game of the 08-09 season. A Sharks fan sat in front of me and ribbed on Kings fans all night, but when it was all said and done, the Kings won the game. Afterward, she looked at me and said "at least the Sharks made the playoffs," to which I replied "enjoy choking in the first round... yet again." She paused a moment, then smiled. No hard feelings, it's all in good fun.

2. Encourage Younger Fans.

I can whine all day about how fans of other mainstream sports don't give hockey a chance or about how they are too unsophisticated to enjoy a "real" sport like hockey, but when it comes down to it, adults have their minds made up. Most adults know what they like and they stick to it.

So get your little brother or cousin or neighbor into it. Take them to a live game for their birthday, show them a game on TV, play a hockey video game with them. Kids are more open-minded and are more likely to give the sport a chance. It's better than wasting your time on your friends who won't give the sport the time of day.

3. Support Your Losers.

Nobody likes a loser, but if you're a true fan then you'll still love them. Go to a game and see them get buried. Watch them on TV and throw popcorn at the set. Wear your jersey out and get made fun of. It's part of being a fan and it makes it that much sweeter when they actually win.

4. Teach People The Game.

Who hasn't sat down to a game with a newbie and heard "what's icing?" or "where's the puck?" Don't laugh at them, help them out. If someone understands the sport they're much more likely to become a fan. Don't just tell them what icing is, explain why it's a rule. It's much easier to remember it that way. Don't just point the puck out to them, teach them how to find it. I like to tell people not to look for the puck. That's like trying to find Waldo. Look at the body language of the players. You can always find the puck when you know how someone acts when they have it.

5. Support Other Teams.

This may sound odd or counterproductive, but don't stop at one team. Be a fan of many teams. It's only more beneficial to the league for you to support as many teams as you want. I personally have an Eastern Conference team, the Hurricanes, and a Western Conference team, the Kings.

Even if your team(s) don't make the playoffs, pick one to support. The more fans following the playoffs, the more attention it gets from hockey outsiders. Our sport is major league sport. Our sport is on television. Our sport is great, so let's make sure other people know why.

***

For fun, I think I'll do a post about how to be an elitist hockey snob. Just to keep the balance of the world right...

What's Good For The Goose...

I remember vividly how angry I was when I saw Brandon Sutter getting his clock cleaned by Doug Weight last season. Sutter was going after a loose puck, anticipating a short-handed breakaway when Weight caught him with his head down and delivered a brutal hit. Sutter had a concussion and his season with the big club was pretty much over.



Jim Rutherford, GM of the Carolina Hurricanes, was incensed with the hit and lobbied for the NHL to do away with hits to the head. Of course, that didn't happen. Debates erupted across hockey message boards on the topic and on the hit itself. Was it legal? Well, no matter how hard it is for a 'Canes fan to swallow, it was a perfectly legal hit. Weight didn't leave his feet. Weight didn't bury his elbow into Sutter's ear. It was a textbook hard hit and Islanders fans let us know it at any chance. Their player was not in the wrong. (Kudos to the Hurricanes commentators John Forslund and Tripp Tracy for their objective evaluation of the hit.)

So why was I angry? I was angry because it was difficult to see a player with such promise, a 1st round pick by my favorite team, and a guy who is already being talked about as captain material have his well-being threatened by an avoidable hit. It was avoidable by both Brandon, who should have had his head up and by Doug Weight who could have decided to lay a less violent hit on Sutter. Now, I don't think Weight had any intention of injuring the kid, just look at his face while they're scraping Sutter off the ice. Nor do I think he should have let up. Hitting is a part of the game. Players, especially young players have to learn to keep their heads up. They can't get away with the stuff they could in juniors any more.

This brings us to yesterday. During a preseason game against the Calgary Flames, the New York Islanders 1st round pick from 2006, Kyle Okposo, had his head taken off by Dion Phaneuf. He was skating with his head down through center ice, just as Sutter was last season, when Phaneuf made him pay the price. Although Phaneuf appears to leave his feet, it was as a result of the hit and not because he jumped into Okposo. Phaneuf was penalized for fighting after the hit, but not for the hit itself. It was another clean hit.



It's an unfortunate irony, but the Islanders are now tasting what 'Canes fans tasted last season. This blog is not meant to rub it in or to laugh at anyone's misfortune. It is to remind fans to look at every play, at every hit, at every goal with objectivity. As much as I wanted to be mad at Doug Weight for his hit, I couldn't be because he did nothing wrong. As much as I wanted to be mad at the NHL for not paying heed to Rutherford's pleas, I couldn't. The rules have been that way for a long time and the NHL isn't about to change them because another person got caught with their head down.

They didn't change them in 2006 when Brian Campbell derailed R.J. Umberger. Players are just going to have to learn not to put themselves in that position and fans are going to have to learn to swallow the bitter pill.

You Can Bet On It

At the beginning of each season, hockey pundits make their predictions of how each team will finish in the standings. Predicting who will win a championship in any sport is very difficult. There are so many things that can happen in a season that it make it nearly impossible to know how it all will shake out.

So, I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to make some predictions on things that are a little more certain. What I'm going to point out won't surprise anyone. You can set your watches to these occurrences.

Phoenix will stink up the ice again.

This team has been one of the hottest discussion topics in a summer full of controversy and it's not a good thing. No matter what Shane Doan says, the teams ownership issues will surely be a distraction. Not like it matters, Phoenix or Hamilton or whoever they are come this fall isn't exactly a model team. Sure, they boast some promising prospects but they squash their development by forcing them into the lineup too early in order to keep costs down. The perennial desert losers will once again feel the sting of a season wasted. Don't forget they share a division with a Sharks team that is pretty much a lock to make the playoffs each year, a Ducks team that has managed to fill all of their gaps this off-season (and they were few to begin with), a Dallas team looking for redemption, and a Kings team that is on the verge of being a real playoff contender. Start making tee-times, guys.

Ilya Kovalchuk will start house shopping, but not in Atlanta.

Maybe this isn't such a sure thing, but it seems inevitable. Atlanta has a knack for chasing off superstar players, from Heatley to Hossa. Yes, Atlanta has drafted high as of late. Bogosian, Kane, and Little will surely help this team in the future but the problem is they won't keep Kovalchuk from getting insane offers when he become a free agent at the end of this season. They have to go through burgeoning powerhouse Washington, Conference finalists Carolina, a much improved Tampa Bay team, and Florida who missed the playoffs last season on a tiebreak. Yes, the sound of those odds alone just pulled Kari Lehtonen's groin.

Martin Brodeur will bid adieu to Terry Sawchuk's shutout record.

Brodeur has already eclipsed Patrick Roy for most career wins, putting the record out of reasonable reach. If and when that record is broken it will be by a goal-tending phenom, the likes of which we have never seen. "Brodeur vs. Roy" is officially the "Gretzky vs. Lemieux" of the crease, and adding to Brodeur's ammunition will be his ownership of the shutout record. Brodeur stands at 101, Sawchuk has 103. Brodeur had 5 shutouts last season and he only appeared in 31 games. He usually starts around 75. Oh, and uber-defensive minded coach Jacques Lemaire is back behind the bench. It was a nice run Mr. Sawchuk. Take solace in the fact that you'll be beaten out by the best ever. (That's right, I'm a Brodeur guy.)

Alexander Ovechkin will bear his toothless grin a minimum of 50 times.

Ovechkin had a slump last season. After 11 games he had only 8 points and 2 goals. That means 54 of his goals were spread out over just 68 games. Ovechkin's consistency approaches the realm of sickening. Goaltenders will have nightmares of this guy. Don Cherry will get red-faced over Ovechkin's enthusiasm for no reason other than the fact he isn't Canadian. Ovechkin will roar across your Sports Center screen like the Tasmanian Devil. Count on it.

Commissioner Gary Bettman will be booed mercilessly any time he shows his face.

It's sad to say it, but I think George W. Bush had a higher approval rating than Gary Bettman does. Why does everyone hate Bettman so much? It's like asking why is the Fonz cool. Bettman represents "the man" in hockey and "the man" is in charge of everything that the fans hate. Ticket prices? Bettman's fault. TV coverage? Bettman's fault. CBA disputes? Bettman's fault. Whether these things are actually his fault is moot. He will be booed for them anyway. Maybe a little less booed than Sarah Palin though.

5 Reasons Why I Love Hockey

The usual line of questioning goes as follows:

"You're a big hockey fan? Did you play hockey?"

"No. Well not organized hockey, anyway."

"Where are you from?"

"North Carolina."

(Long Silence)

"Why do you like hockey then?"

Why do I like hockey then? As if it is not permissible to like something if you haven't played it or didn't grow up around it. I like Italian food and I'm not Italian, nor did I grow up in Italy. Okay, bad example but you get my point.

1) The Subculture. Hockey has a unique flavor that is unlike other sports. You can find a casual basketball or football fan almost anywhere, but if you love hockey, you love hockey. If you're trying to pose as a hockey fan you'll be outed as soon as they blow the whistle and you ask "What's icing?" It's almost like being a Trekkie or a Dog Show person. It's strange and goofy and intense and great.

2) The Regional Warfare. This is a love-hate reason. I hate that small-market, especially southern teams, get so much flack for even existing. Yet, I love it when the small-market team shuts up the haters, even if it's only for a little while. I love when Montreal fans make fun of Toronto for their losing history and I love it when Toronto fans tell Montreal to go celebrate by setting cars on fire. I love it when Sharks fans pick on the Kings for sucking and I love it when Kings fans make fun of the Sharks for always choking in the playoffs. The playing field on-ice might not be level, but off-ice there is more than enough fodder to go around.

3) The Jerseys. There is no other professional sports jersey that is less acceptable to wear in public than a hockey sweater. People wear baseball, basketball, football, and even soccer jerseys all the time. However, if someone wears a hockey sweater in public they look like a total dingus. Baggy sleeves, ill-fitting, over-sized logo on the chest. I loathe and respect that fan at the same time. They may look like an idiot wearing a giant Penguin on their chest at the bank, but man they love their team. Oh, and it just makes the jersey look that much better on the players.

4) The Names. Boogaard. Cheechoo. Tootoo. Sounds like gibberish but those are names. Then you have the obviously French-Canadian; Brind'Amour, Lecavalier, Gauthier. The obviously Finnish; Pitkanen, Jokinen, Laaksonen, Lehtinen. The Swedish players and their names that end in -strom, -sson, -berg, and -qvist. These are great names! Pick any team in the NHL and I'll tell you a name that makes milk come out of you nostrils.

5) It has everything. Speed, physicality, intelligence, skill. Both strategy and the lack thereof. I would love to describe the sport to an alien just for the reaction.

"So we put 12 guys on ice and they skate around."

"Okay."

"Then we give them sticks and they have to pass around a little puck that's the size of a coaster and try to put it into a goal."

"Okay."

"The puck is dense as a rock and can be shot at up to 100 MPH."

"Um, what?"

"And the players can ram their bodies into each other at full force."

"Wait, 100 MPH? Go back to that."

"And if they feel up for it, they can take off their gloves and fight."

"This sounds made-up."

No, my dear alien, it is not. It is very real and very great.